Effective Parent Communication

Chances are, primary teachers meet with a lot more resistance when they call home for behavior issues than middle grade teachers. Why is that? If a student misbehaves in first grade, it may be their first time. That teacher who has to call home gets the fabulous job of being the first person EVER (ok an exaggeration but still...) to tell a parent their child isn't perfect. Sign me up for that job - or not.

When you teach older students and need to call home, you may have this happen:

You - "Hello there. I'm so-and-so's math teacher. 

Parent - "What did so-and-so do now?"

Nice right? You are not going to be the person to break someone's heart. That's the plus. Of course, every plus has a minus right? Many parents who have children who are habitual rule breakers are probably at a loss for what to do. Calling home really may not be that effective. Some parents (bless them) may get calls weekly.

First and foremost - be available. How angry do you get when you reach out to someone with a problem/question/concern and they take FOREEEVVVVVVEEERRRRRRR to respond? Make it clear from the beginning what the best way is for parents to reach you (email? text? phone call during planning?). Also make sure parents understand that often you will not be able to respond during school hours - not even during your planning time. Let them know that your first priority is instruction and you usually return calls/texts/emails during a certain time frame each day. Then be sure to stick with it!

Secondly, be aware that they have come from elementary school where kids often had their hands held and parents are used to having a daily/weekly play by play of what is happening. During PTA nights, back to school night a regular conference, etc. consider sharing your expectations of student responsibility versus parent responsibility. It'll help parents see what is expected both from their child and what they are responsible for doing (and not doing) as parents of middle schoolers.

Here are some tips on how to communicate with parents in different situations. 


Communicate Postitive Things

• Set aside some time each week (yes, EACH week) to send home 2-3 positive notes/emails or phone calls. It can be something simple like "Sam did great on his math test!" or "Aubrey really worked well during stations today." Parents will really appreciate your effort and they'll know that you are not the type of teacher who'll only contact them when something is wrong. Included in my Behavior, Data, Lesson and Communication Binder Resources are positive notes. Keep some printed out and ready to go each week! 

Phone Calls & Emails

• Share something positive first. Yep, even if it means you have to dig deep (like middle of the Earth deep). No parent wants to hear nothing but negative things about their kid. 
• Don't bring other students into it. If you mention another student, you are immediately giving that parent a reason to not put any blame on their own kid. If another student was involved, let the student bring that up at home. Simply mention the issue - cheating, talking in class, cell phones, etc. Don't say who they were cheating off of, copying from or talking to. 
• Don't swear. No brainer right? Nah, not exactly. It is SO hard to bite our tongues when met with resistance. SO hard. You have to - bite hard. 
• Remember you are the adult. Students in the middle grades can be SOOOOO difficult. You probably have days where a certain student makes you want to ball up your fists, scream and stomp away. Don't let those feelings show through. Be firm and be professional. Save the screaming and stomping for later! 
• Emails - Don't respond to combative emails. Forward them to an administrator. Remember, something in print will stay in print forever. Do not type something that could come back and bite you one day. 

Conferences

• Use the buddy system. Never have a conference alone. Bring a teammate, administrator, aide, anyone! The purpose is not to gang up on the parents but to offer a wide variety of perspectives. If the issue is negative, consider bringing in a teacher who does NOT have the same issues from the student. It may offer a great opportunity for that teacher to give suggestions to both you and the parents.
• Be prepared. Have copies of work, save the note they passed in class, show your discipline record. Jot down some talking points (points #1 and the last point should be positive) so the conference has direction. 
• Give advice. Middle schoolers are a strange breed and we know them best. Even if you don't have middle school aged children of their own, you know their tendencies and can offer suggestions for the parents on how to best reach them / help them / encourage them at home. Be open to going above and beyond your role as "just the teacher". 
• Ask for their suggestions. Don't say "I have no idea what to do with him/her." Even if that's true (and we know it is sometimes) share the interventions you've tried. Ask what works at home. What doesn't work at home? Show that you are looking for solutions and you haven't just given up. 
• Take notes! 

Angry Parents

• Don't swear.
• Don't return aggression. You may want to, but don't. 
• Don't start bringing down their kid. 
• If a parent is getting verbally abusive on the phone, tell them that you will not be spoken to that way and will be happy to speak to them with an administrator. CLICK. 
• Bring in administration. The end. 

If all else fails, go home, have an adult beverage and try again tomorrow! 

Student Accountability in the Middle School Classroom

My first year in Middle School was T.O.U.G.H. I've talked about my journey some in my classroom management post over on my blog. When it came to student accountability, I had the idea that by removing any responsibility from the students when it came to things like being prepared for class, I would eliminate distractions and encourage them to just pay attention. I told them that I didn't want them to worry about whether or not they had a pencil or paper. I just wanted them to be present in class. Many of my kids were from low income families, so I thought this would show them I cared about them.

Rookie Mistake.

It backfired. BIG TIME. 

Instead of viewing me as someone who cared about them, they viewed me as someone who was a pushover and... quite honestly... stupid. From Day 1 I set the tone that my students were in charge. I was never able to regain control once they realized they had no accountability.

The next year, I knew things needed to change. I became strict, without being mean. My students needed boundaries and expectations and it honestly took me a few years to find a good combination of what worked.

Student Accountability {What Worked For Me}

1. Homework (including projects and makeup work) was due every morning BEFORE T.A. (or homeroom, whichever you call it). I had a cart outside of my room that had a slot for each class. 8th grade was contained on the same floor that was shaped like a circle. Regardless of where there lockers or T.A.'s were located, they had plenty of time and accessibility to walk by my door and drop in their homework. They didn't have to speak to me or even stop. Just drop it in and keep walking. I did this for three reasons. First, it ensured their homework was done AT HOME (or at least on the bus on the way to school) and not at lunch, in T.A., in the hall before my class, etc. Secondly, I had my planning periods during the first block of the day. I was able to check their homework before they even got to my room. I could hand it back, already checked, and go over the skills for that day. Lastly, it sent a message to my students that I was serious about homework. 
2. Pencils - I NEVER lent out pencils to my students. I gave them about two weeks at the beginning of the school year to learn this before I really enforced it. My students were not required to carry textbooks for my class since we had enough for there to be a class set and a set for them to keep home all year. They only had to show up with their binder, pencil and calculator. If they came without a pencil, I would not give them one. They could ask a friend, or find one on the floor from the previous class. At first my students thought I was horrible for this. I explained to them that I wanted them to learn to think. They knew, that every.single.day they would be coming to my room at the exact same time. I wanted them to stop and think before they walked into my room to see if they had everything. After the first few weeks, it worked really well. I rarely had students who were unprepared. 
   
3. Non Disruptive Behavior - Addressing poor behavior in class is tough in middle school. If you are disrespectful to them or call them out in front of the class, they might bite back. They are more worried about saving face than listening to you. If a student was doing something that wasn't disruptive, I would make a note of it and email their parents without telling the student. This did two things - it let the student know that (1) I'm watching and (2) I'm not letting it go. At the end of class, I would say, "Three of you will be getting emails home today." And not tell them who it was. The following days, those three were pretty much spectacular. 
4. Disruptive Behavior - If the behavior causes a disruption, I would move them to a single desk that was directly next to mine and far removed from anyone else. This desk was actually pushed directly up on the wall where my projector screen was. Taking notes from this desk was VERY uncomfortable. Another reason students usually tried to stay out of it. 
5. Cell Phones - I was VERY good at taking cell phones. I would say I caught them a good 90% of the time. Our school policy was to take phones, write a referral and immediately give it to the grade level administrator. I followed this policy EVERY single time. No matter the student. No matter their reason. The teachers who would just tell the students to put the phones away or take them and give them back, were not sending a message. I told my students that they needed to understand that they were in my class to learn. Not check Facebook, not text their mom. To learn. 

Student accountability differs by grade. My 8th graders had all of the expectations as above. They were growing up and could handle all of my rules. They're the ones who needed the strongest rules anyway. My 6th grade intervention students were a little different. They had different needs and were only required to bring a pencil. Since they had no homework, their interactive notebooks simply stayed in my class. I would keep a box of golf pencils on my desk for my intervention students (all grades) to use if they forgot one.

The KEY to Middle School Student accountability is to actually hold them accountable. You want to build relationships with your students and you want to have that mutual respect, but you have to give them a reason to respect you. Many teachers think it's "mean" to require the things I required of my students. But, it worked. My discipline problems were low, my student achievement was high. Whether they thrived on the structure or just finally gave up arguing over the pencils, it worked.