Classroom Management Starts With This...

I taught in a tough school. Super tough. EVERY year (no joke) I had at least one student who was pregnant or already a parent. At least one student who was classified as homeless. I had students from jail, one who was a registered sex offender and many students who were gang members. The neighborhood around our school was an open air drug market that was full of crime and prostitution. 

I taught two years in 4th grade before I moved to middle school. That first year as a middle school teacher was a huge learning experience - most of it was learning through failure. I was slightly intimidated by the fact that I was teaching 8th graders, so I thought the key to my success was to be "friends" with my students. That literally should be on the top of the list of things NOT to do as a teacher. I remember telling my class on the first day, "I don't care what you did last year, yesterday or 10 minutes before coming into my classroom. You are here for a fresh start." That's a really terrible thing to say to a classroom full of students who have had a long history of trouble making. I was honestly, terrified of some of my students. I had fights in my room that involved chairs, and students, being thrown. It was impossible to have control over people I feared - people who knew I had zero clue what I was doing. 

One day... I gave up. I was so frustrated with the lack of respect that I broke down in tears and walked away from my class. I grabbed my things and told my principal I was going home sick. I wouldn't recommend doing that. Not at all. Looking back, I’m pretty impressed that I didn’t get fired! I hated my job that year. Every single second of it. 

The next school year, I spent the majority of the school year pregnant with my first child. I gained a TON of weight and ended up swelling like a balloon and having elevated blood pressure (imagine that). To avoid my doctor forcing me out of work, I did nothing but sit on a stool for the last few weeks before my daughter was born. My classroom management pretty much didn’t exist because I was miserable. I went out on maternity leave in March and returned mid-May. My long term sub was a “friend” to my students (remember how well that worked for me the year before?) and my classroom was an absolutely nightmare when I returned. I was not able to get things back on track and the remaining few weeks of the school year had me on survival mode. NOTE: If you have a baby, do NOT return for just a week or two at the end of the school year. Trust me on that one. Take the unpaid leave {if you can} and just stay home!

The third year teaching middle school was a HUGE year for me. It was the year I finally figured it out. I didn’t try to make my students like me. I didn’t try to make my students fear me. I was determined to make my students respect me. I had very clear classroom expectations and procedures for every little thing. My students knew what to do if they were absent. They knew I didn’t lend out pencils. Ever. They knew I didn’t take late work. Ever. I didn’t bend for anyone. BUT… they knew I respected them. If they were having a bad day, I’d find a way to touch base with them before class or during the warm up. If I caught wind of them acting foolish in another class, I'd talk to them to find out what was happening. If I knew a student was dealing with something at home, or had a sporting event coming up, I would talk to them about it. My students knew I cared about them – but they also knew my rules for them. My classroom was suddenly a much more manageable place than years before. 

A few weeks into the school year we had an intake meeting for a new student. All I was told is that he was coming from an alternative education school in the next state and he was going to be in my math class. During the meeting, the vice principal and other classroom teachers were very stern with him. Almost mean. He was so polite to everyone, “Yes ma’am” and “No sir” to all the adults even though they were treating him as though he was a problem before he even started. I made the decision to treat him like my other students, regardless of his circumstances. A few days after our meeting, I asked about him. I was told that he had just been released from jail for armed robbery. He was the one with the gun. He ended up being a student who LOVED math, which made me super happy. He was one of my favorite students that year. He didn’t give me a single issue all year, even though he had a tough thing going in the community and was an issue for other teachers. 

From that year on, I maintained my philosophy that in order to have a truly successful classroom, my students were going to have to respect me. Not be afraid of me, not hate me, and not want to be my friend. Each year, the types of students I had didn’t change. I had many students come through my room who were absolutely terrible in other classrooms, but they were different for me. Now, I certainly DID have my problem students. Whether they just hated math, or me, or my rules... they were not fun to have in class. I didn’t let those students bring down my attitude or the rest of my class. Even though we are the teachers and we are the adults, we need to RESPECT our students. They are people too and they deserve the same respect that we command from them.

So, there you have it. Successful classroom management begins and ends with RESPECT. 

Effective Parent Communication

Chances are, primary teachers meet with a lot more resistance when they call home for behavior issues than middle grade teachers. Why is that? If a student misbehaves in first grade, it may be their first time. That teacher who has to call home gets the fabulous job of being the first person EVER (ok an exaggeration but still...) to tell a parent their child isn't perfect. Sign me up for that job - or not.

When you teach older students and need to call home, you may have this happen:

You - "Hello there. I'm so-and-so's math teacher. 

Parent - "What did so-and-so do now?"

Nice right? You are not going to be the person to break someone's heart. That's the plus. Of course, every plus has a minus right? Many parents who have children who are habitual rule breakers are probably at a loss for what to do. Calling home really may not be that effective. Some parents (bless them) may get calls weekly.

First and foremost - be available. How angry do you get when you reach out to someone with a problem/question/concern and they take FOREEEVVVVVVEEERRRRRRR to respond? Make it clear from the beginning what the best way is for parents to reach you (email? text? phone call during planning?). Also make sure parents understand that often you will not be able to respond during school hours - not even during your planning time. Let them know that your first priority is instruction and you usually return calls/texts/emails during a certain time frame each day. Then be sure to stick with it!

Secondly, be aware that they have come from elementary school where kids often had their hands held and parents are used to having a daily/weekly play by play of what is happening. During PTA nights, back to school night a regular conference, etc. consider sharing your expectations of student responsibility versus parent responsibility. It'll help parents see what is expected both from their child and what they are responsible for doing (and not doing) as parents of middle schoolers.

Here are some tips on how to communicate with parents in different situations. 


Communicate Postitive Things

• Set aside some time each week (yes, EACH week) to send home 2-3 positive notes/emails or phone calls. It can be something simple like "Sam did great on his math test!" or "Aubrey really worked well during stations today." Parents will really appreciate your effort and they'll know that you are not the type of teacher who'll only contact them when something is wrong. Included in my Behavior, Data, Lesson and Communication Binder Resources are positive notes. Keep some printed out and ready to go each week! 

Phone Calls & Emails

• Share something positive first. Yep, even if it means you have to dig deep (like middle of the Earth deep). No parent wants to hear nothing but negative things about their kid. 
• Don't bring other students into it. If you mention another student, you are immediately giving that parent a reason to not put any blame on their own kid. If another student was involved, let the student bring that up at home. Simply mention the issue - cheating, talking in class, cell phones, etc. Don't say who they were cheating off of, copying from or talking to. 
• Don't swear. No brainer right? Nah, not exactly. It is SO hard to bite our tongues when met with resistance. SO hard. You have to - bite hard. 
• Remember you are the adult. Students in the middle grades can be SOOOOO difficult. You probably have days where a certain student makes you want to ball up your fists, scream and stomp away. Don't let those feelings show through. Be firm and be professional. Save the screaming and stomping for later! 
• Emails - Don't respond to combative emails. Forward them to an administrator. Remember, something in print will stay in print forever. Do not type something that could come back and bite you one day. 

Conferences

• Use the buddy system. Never have a conference alone. Bring a teammate, administrator, aide, anyone! The purpose is not to gang up on the parents but to offer a wide variety of perspectives. If the issue is negative, consider bringing in a teacher who does NOT have the same issues from the student. It may offer a great opportunity for that teacher to give suggestions to both you and the parents.
• Be prepared. Have copies of work, save the note they passed in class, show your discipline record. Jot down some talking points (points #1 and the last point should be positive) so the conference has direction. 
• Give advice. Middle schoolers are a strange breed and we know them best. Even if you don't have middle school aged children of their own, you know their tendencies and can offer suggestions for the parents on how to best reach them / help them / encourage them at home. Be open to going above and beyond your role as "just the teacher". 
• Ask for their suggestions. Don't say "I have no idea what to do with him/her." Even if that's true (and we know it is sometimes) share the interventions you've tried. Ask what works at home. What doesn't work at home? Show that you are looking for solutions and you haven't just given up. 
• Take notes! 

Angry Parents

• Don't swear.
• Don't return aggression. You may want to, but don't. 
• Don't start bringing down their kid. 
• If a parent is getting verbally abusive on the phone, tell them that you will not be spoken to that way and will be happy to speak to them with an administrator. CLICK. 
• Bring in administration. The end. 

If all else fails, go home, have an adult beverage and try again tomorrow! 

Want a Tip? Get involved!

To all young (and experienced) teachers out there:  I have an easy (and simple) tip that will instantly transform your relationship with your students: GET INVOLVED!  Whether it be leading the yearbook club or student council, volunteering to keep the gate at sporting events, or coaching a sport, when you are involved and active in the building, the students take notice.  When students see you playing an active role in their interests (and their school) they come to realize that you are truly “in it” for them.  Does it require more time outside the classroom? Absolutely.  Does it mean you will spend more time at school? For sure.  But, does it mean you will develop more meaningful relationships with students in the classroom?  You betcha.  

So, just how do you do it?  Volunteer!  Tell your principal you’d like to lead the club that has that opening.  Express interest in the coaching position that just became open.  What’s that?  You don’t know anything about coaching the lacrosse team or the chess club? Well, learn!  Youtube is a great resource to teach you the basics!  Don’t feel comfortable taking on something so foreign in your first year?  Ask the coach or whoever is “in charge” if you can help out - that way you can learn from them as you go!  What if there is nothing offered at your school that you have an interest in?  Well, start your own club!  Find something in your content area that you can lead!  Find your niche!  In history, I’ve recently launched the History Club that meets after school to conduct research on annual National History Day projects and to prepare for our state competition in the We the People program.  Down the road I hope to create a Model UN team (a looooong way down the road).

I have always seen leading extracurricular activities as an extension of the classroom.  Second only to creating hands-on, active learning experiences, I have found no other way to more efficiently create a positive rapport with my students.  And, while building positive relationships to facilitate learning is always the goal, I must say that being involved throughout the school has helped me too! I have taken more ownership in my building.  I get excited as I see goals that seemed so far out come to fruition.  I enjoy getting to know my students outside of the standard classroom setting.  So, if you want my tip, get involved!

Building Positive Relationships

Each year as the school year draws to a close we are forced to say goodbye to those faces we have grown so attached to.  Those last few days of school are tough because, as teachers, we commit to individuals.  We commit to relationships.   We open the school year by establishing a positive rapport with our students, and we spend the year nurturing a relationship built on honesty, trust, and mutual respect. Without a positive relationship no real learning can take place, and the roots of these positive relationships begin on the first days of school.   But, the middle school student is different in every way from their elementary and high school counterparts.  Therefore, what works for an elementary student will earn scoffs from that middle school child.   What enamors a high-schooler may strike fear into those in the middle grades.  So, how do you go about building relationships with that unique middle school student?

Teaching middle school means you have to be a little awkward.  You have to be willing to laugh at yourself, make jokes that nobody else finds funny, and be a goof at the drop of a hat.  That description embodies everything I do in the classroom.  While maintaining very high expectations for student achievement, I like to laugh, make up songs “on the fly,” and make the corny jokes that get my students to laugh.  Caught somewhere in-between wanting the security of elementary school and the independence of high school, these students strive to find themselves and who they are more than anything else.  This persona is not a “show;” it is who I am and I have found it helps students feel comfortable, confident (after all, if I am goofy and awkward how they can be any worse?), and develop a sense of belonging.

I start the year with learning about my students.  I seek out their interests and hobbies and express an interest.  I find a place to store this information (mentally) and draw upon it routinely to show that I care — because I do — and to show students that they “belong.”   On the first day of school I allow students the opportunity to anonymously ask me question about my life.  They write down their question on a slip of paper and they can leave it nameless if they choose.  They can ask anything they want to know about me!  This brings me down to earth, shows students that I too am a real person, gives students a chance to learn about my interests and hobbies, and helps the students see me as approachable and easy to talk to.  While some fear this will draw many unwarranted (or embarrassing) questions, over my nine years of doing this activity I have not had one question I did not feel comfortable answering (TIP:  If you did receive a question that “crossed the line” you can easily cover it up by playing off the question as one you already answered and just skip it!).

As someone who taught in a really "tough" school, and being a math teacher on top of that, I always felt like I had the odds stacked against me. I didn't grow up the way my students did. I grew up in a solid home, surrounded by love in a nurturing environment. I was involved in activities, went on family vacations and didn't know what it felt like to be alone, scared or in danger. During my first two years in the classroom, I had a really hard time building relationships with my students. I didn't understand them, and honestly, I was afraid of some of them. I shut myself down and decided to play the "bad cop" role. I thought I would demand their respect, rather than earn it. Needless to say, that didn't work.

During my third year in the Middle School classroom, I took a different approach. I looked past my students circumstances and looked into their hearts. I had a student who was a behavior problem. She was angry and down right nasty. I found out she had lost her mother years ago and was still lashing out over that. I lost my own mom when I was 20 to breast cancer and while I didn't share that with my students, I shared it with her. Suddenly, she relaxed in my classroom. She knew I understood. She knew I was angry too. She knew I was there for her. I had another student who had just been released from jail for armed robbery. Turns out, he LOVED math. I didn't focus on what he had done or who he was outside of my classroom. I tugged at his strengths in my room and while he may have had issues in other classes, he never did in mine. I let my students know I cared about them, while still having rules and expectations. My students were not my friend, but they didn't "fear" me either. They respected me and my rules and I respected what they were bringing to my classroom each day... the good and the bad.

I may be 36, but all of my students would back me up when I say that I certainly don't act like it.  I know when to put on my "Serious Teaching Hat" and when to relax, be silly, and laugh.  It is a delicate balance and there are times when I will literally jump from being serious, to silly, and right back to serious within a matter of seconds - and my students quickly learn to hang on and expect the wild ride.

To me, the strongest, best relationships are those built around common interests.  While I would never condone being "friends" with a middle school student, I definitely believe that they need to know that you are still relevant, no matter what your age is.  I am not suggesting that you start wearing your jeans sagging with your cap backwards, but it's important for your students to know that you aren't completely out of touch with their world.  And in middle school, their world is EVERYTHING (at least in their heads)!

I do my best to infuse current music trends into my lessons, utilize technology that they are interested in, watch the movies they are talking about, read the books they are reading.  It's all about connecting with them on their level.  To take it another step, consider attending extra-curricular activities that they are involved in.  You would not believe the lasting impact it can have with a student when they look out into the bleachers, audience, or crowd and see YOU - their teacher?!?!  It always freaks them out at first - almost a state of shock- but they will never forget it.  And I promise you, that student will work harder for you and be more invested in you and your class because you made the extra effort to be invested in their life and what is important to them.  I've dragged my two daughters to countless middle school athletic events, choir concerts, band concerts, plays, performances, and Little League baseball games.  And the next class day, I give those students a quick shout-out in class.  It's the simple things that mean the most.

The best part about making these connections is not only the strong relationships that you are building with your students, but the strong content that your students will retain because it means something to them and is relevant in their world.